STEELE - School boards across the country are debating how to deal with parents like Cody Mittleider.

The 28-year-old Mittleider is married with three children ages 6, 4 and 2, and works as a hired hand at a potato farm in Steele, a farming community of about 760 people in central North Dakota. He is a convicted sex offender.

Mittleider was convicted of raping a woman in April 2005, and spent a year in prison. Since then, he says, he has quit drinking and attends counseling. He said he has worked hard to be a family man and a respected member of his community. He recently bought a house and joined the city's volunteer fire department.

The school board has yet to make a decision on whether Mittleider will be able to attend his children's school programs or athletic events.

"It would punish my family more than it would punish me," he said. "I want to be a father - not a criminal. If I can't go to the school, I can't be the father I want to be."

A new state law, which took effect Aug. 1, allows sex offenders to be on school property if they are there to vote or attend a public meeting. It does not give them permission to attend extracurricular school activities. That decision is up to school boards.

Some school districts have adopted a no-tolerance approach that bans convicted sex offenders from schools even if they are parents. Others are considering allowing superintendents to make the call on a case-by-case basis.

Mittleider said his oldest daughter, a first-grader, is old enough to understand his crime and why he can't go to the school to watch her dance recitals.

"She bawls," he said.

Steele Superintendent Ken Miller said the school board tabled a motion this month to adopt a policy dealing with sex offenders whose children attend school in the district. At present, Mittleider is the only one, Miller said

The North Dakota School Board Association is slated to discuss the new law next month. Miller said the school board in Steele likely will craft its policy after that meeting.

Kathy Benson, president of the Steele School Board and a mother of four, said keeping the schools safe is a priority for parents. She said the sex offender policy has not been a major issue in the community, but board members will give it their full attention.

"We want to be cautious and we want to be very careful and take a good look at it," Benson said.

School boards in most states now have policies dealing with sex-offender parents in schools, though they vary by state and district, said Cullen Casey, an attorney for the Alexandria-Va.-based National School Boards Association.

"I would say it's becoming more commonplace across the country," Casey said. "Many do handle the question of sex-offender parents on a case-by case basis."

Some school districts, especially larger ones, often do not have the resources or time to deal with decisions about parents who are registered sex offenders, so they are banned altogether, Cullen said.

Rick Buresh, the Fargo superintendent, said that's the case in North Dakota's largest city. The Fargo district adopted a no-tolerance approach before the state law was enacted that regulates sex offenders on school property.

"Right now, they are simply not allowed in," Buresh said. "It's not a matter of punishment - it's an issue of protection. I am somewhat sympathetic if somebody's rights get pinched a little, but safety comes first."

Buresh said the issue of sex offender parents who want to attend school events puts "a lot of burden and a lot of responsibility" on school boards and superintendents, who often are not qualified to decide whether a sex offender poses a risk at school events.

"It is a huge additional responsibility in an area we have little training - and not something we prepare for," Buresh said.

That responsibility is better left to law enforcement and probation officers, he said.

Montgomery County Public Schools in Maryland adopted its policy this summer on whether to allow sex offender parents in schools, spokesman Brian Edwards said.

The policy allows principals to make the call on an individual basis after consulting with counselors and law enforcement officials, Edwards said.

"I think ours is a thoughtful approach," he said.

Montgomery County Public Schools, with 200 schools and 137,000 students, is the 16th largest school district in the U.S., Edwards said.

The Steele school district has 312 students in kindergarten-12. The students attend classes in a single building where lockers are left unlocked inside and their bicycles are unlocked outside.

The goal is to keep the school safe, Miller said.

"We want to do what's right for the kids and for all the people involved," Miller said. 'We would like to say 'yes' (to Cody Mittleider) but we have our concerns. The easy way out would be to not allow it."

The Mandan School District adopted its policy banning sex offenders on school grounds this month.

"Right now, the safest thing to do is err on the side of kids and just say no," said Wilfred Volesky, Mandan superintendent.

"If we need to take the policy and soften it, we can," Volesky said. "Right now, it's a work in progress."

Volesky said the new policy already has allowed the district to ban a convicted sex offender from attending high school football games. That person was not a parent of a student at the district, Volesky said.

Parents of two of the district's 3,262 students are registered sex offenders, Volesky said.

Alyssa Martin, director of policy services for the North Dakota School Boards Association, said Mandan's policy on sex offenders is more stringent than a model policy her group crafted as an example for the state's 190 or so districts.

The model allows for superintendents to make a decision whether sex offenders can attend school activities. Martin said it was written after checking similar policies from about 30 other states.

Probation officers are willing to help school districts, said Brian Weigel, a specialist in North Dakota's Parole and Probation Division. Weigel believes schools should consider sex offender parent cases individually.

"The term sex offender lumps together every individual sex offense and lumps together a very large group of people," Weigel said.

"There are sex offenders who are in a healthy place and are not hurting anybody - and if they're there with another responsible adult, it's not that risky," Weigel said. "There are offenders we would be adamantly against going to a school."

Mittleider said he met some of those types in prison, and he agrees they should be banned.

"No way on God's green earth would I want some of those freaks at my kid's school," Mittleider said.