Remember last year, when I wrote a column masked as yet another missive about my fondness for comic books and "Everybody Loves Raymond," but it was actually a proposal of marriage to my sweet Annette?

Oh, such a clever move and a beautiful moment. She said yes, in case I haven't mentioned.

Anyway, as it turns out, proposals lead to engagements, which almost always end in a wedding. And somebody has to plan this wedding out. I did not think this through.

We should make it clear, for my own personal safety, that being married to Annette isn't the part of this equation that has led to my current addiction to a cocktail I've invented consisting of chewable Rolaids and Pepto-Bismol, which I call a Rollo-Bismaid. I've known for a long time that this was the person I wanted to spend my life with. Marriage will be the easy part.

Married people, stop laughing at me.

Planning the wedding, that's what killed my stomach. There's so much to it: phone calls and booking venues and making lists and ranking friends and writing up invitations and mailing said invitations and collecting RSVPs and on and on and on.

What I've learned, though, and what I want to share with all of you, is that the key to pulling off the big event successfully is long-term planning. I'm talking about planning that starts long before you even meet the man or lady of your dreams.

Annette and I aren't really long-term planners, but as it turns out, we were fortunate enough to be friends and family with a whole lot of useful people. Our loved ones are helping us out in so many ways, from photographing the wedding, videotaping the day, sewing Annette's dress, providing music for the ceremony and reception, officiating at the ceremony, etc. Such are the rewards of being as lovable as we two are.

So, if you're unmarried, do yourself a favor and buy a coffee for the next florist you meet. It'll pay off in the long term.

Maybe you're not big on social graces, Garth Brooks, and making friends isn't your thing. No problem, learn a trade or two that will come in handy for your wedding day. Me, I'm just a humor writer, so you can imagine how helpful that's been.

Just wait until all of our guests get a load of the series of knock-knock jokes I have written for my vows, though.

Kids, take it from me and learn a trade that will come in handy during your own wedding. Imagine how inexpensive and efficient your big day would be if you were a professional party planner with a part-time job as a tailor who owns your own reception hall and you grow bouquets of tulips in your backyard as a hobby.

Planning a wedding is all about what you know. Or who you know. Or what those people know. Pool all your resources, and things will be a lot easier for you.

If only I was friends with a doctor, now. I fear these Rollo-Bismaids have torn a hole inside of me.

(Columnist Kelly Hagen, who wishes he knew how to sew up a tuxedo for a basset hound, can be reached at 250-8259 or kelly.hagen@bismarcktribune.com.)