Christmas makes for some busy days, trying to get everything ready for the biggest celebration of the year. And we're in the final days, so we're all up to our eyeballs in stuff to do.

Just to give you all a taste of how hectic it can get, here's a recap of a recent day of my life.

9 a.m. - Alarm goes off. I need to get up and get ready, as I have a full day ahead of me. First, though, I'm going to hit the snooze button.

9:05 - Snooze button.

9:10 - Snooze button.

9:15 - Alarm is mysteriously smashed by a lamp.

11 - Wake up. Eat fruitcake for breakfast, because it is the season. Wash it down with some eggnog.

11:15 - I remember that I don't have any eggnog in my fridge. What I do have is a gallon of milk that expired in April, which Ikeep forgetting to throw out.

11:16 - Vomiting really hurts my tummy.

11:27 - Off for my walk with my only friend willing to walk in the cold without clothes on, my basset hound Boof. Ihave attached jingle bells to his collar, so that all the neighbors can hear us coming. A-wassailing. Upon the leaves so green.

11:45 - Nobody will answer the door to hear us sing. Strange.

12:30 - The walk is over, and Boof is napping on my couch. I'm off to run some errands.

12:53 - I'm driving through the mall parking lot, trying desperately to find a spot. In an effort to calm the rage that I fear may drive me to seizures, Iplay a fun game where Ipretend I'm a shark, in search of my prey.

1:15 - Success! I just ate a dolphin … er … found a spot. I head into the mall to do my Christmas shopping.

And now, in a newspaper first (I would assume), Iwill share what I'm buying my family for Christmas, thereby ruining the holiday.

Dad Motorized unicycle.

Mom Pygmy horse that I have painted purple.

My brother, Rik A collection of life-size cardboard cutouts, made in the visage of the cast of "L.A. Law."

My sister, Erin A large order of those cheesy tater tots they sell at Burger King. They're delicious.

My girlfriend, Annette The No. 1 spot on my MySpace friends list. Because I'm a romantic.

3:43 - Back at home, and I have just finished wrapping all the gifts. My living room is now a spiderweb of Scotch tape, and I can't find my dog. I poke breathing holes into all my gifts, just to be safe.

4:02 - I decide to bake some Christmas cookies, so Ihave something to give to all the trick-or-treaters.

7:33 - Not a single kid has shown up at my door in a costume. This is just like last year.

8:51 - I'm up on my roof, stamping out the message "Stay Overnight, Santa" in the snow, so Santa knows Ihave a spare room for him to crash in, should he get tired. My roof is very small, so Ijust abbreviate the message.

10:33 - The police stop by, wondering why it says S.O.S. on the top of my house. I offer them cookies; they're still mad.

11:18 - I'm going to bed, locking the door to my room for fear of ghosts of Christmas past, present or future showing up. I don't like ghosts.

I do like Christmas, though, and I hope you do, too. Merry Christmas to all, and to all a good night.

(Reach columnist Kelly Hagen at 250-8259 or kelly.hagen@bismarcktribune.com.)