She left her home in New Mexico and all of her extended family that includes 31 nieces and nephews, and took mainly clothes, and her son - all this, so she could get a college education and nursing degree in Bismarck.

But when she got here, there was immediate regret and some tears.

"It sounds awful, but I felt like I made a wrong decision," said Mary Calabaza, 37, in a recent interview. "It was winter, cold, snowy … It gets cold down south, but not like this."

She said her tears were more for her son, worried about what she had got him into. She remembers as he tried to acclimate that his lips became terribly chapped and then his face. She had convinced him, Micah Herrera, now age 11, to move here, by trying to get him to view the move as an adventure.

Now mom had to take her own advice. And did.

"I try to be happy or make the best out of the situation I'm in," said Calabaza, who lost her mom at age 11 and was raised by her oldest sister and brother. She said she carries her brother's philosophy with her, which is that "it's attainable out there, the goals … and whatever you gain with your own hands, own sweat, you appreciate more."

Calabaza who expects to graduate in 2008 with a degree as a licensed practical nurse from United Tribes Technical College, said things got better for her when she saw the first green grass come up later in the spring.

And there were other things: She said she was fortunate that she met a college student who was "really awesome and showed me around."

And she found Circle of Parents, a weekly support group for the college's many students who also are parents and trying to balance both responsibilities. More than 50 percent of UTTC's students are parents.

"When I first got here I felt really alone, especially when I started my job at Wal-Mart night receiving," she said. "It was like I really don't know anyone … Who can I trust to leave my son with?"

She said in New Mexico there were always family members she could depend on in her traditional and close-knit family.

But she said by attending weekly Circle of Parent meetings she developed new parenting skills, new friendships and found baby sitters she could trust.

The group also helped her get her son back on track. "I didn't notice at first that (Micah) was homesick," she said. At home, he'd been a top student, here things were slipping. Now the outgoing boy is involved in karate classes, basketball and is preparing to have his First Communion in the church, she said.

And Calabaza, in addition to being a student, works at the college helping new students survive their few months there.

"I strongly suggest they go to the Circle of Parents," she said.

Calabaza said she knows of a number of really young parents who are trying to balance college life with several young children.

"I hope other parents get into the program. It teaches you a lot of stuff," she said.

Circle of Parents started a couple years ago after Eveleen Cook, the college's family specialist, approached Barb Danks, the campus' elementary school counselor, about the need for some sort of parenting program.

"I do a lot of transporting students to activities," Cook told the Tribune recently. " I hear a lot of power struggles between parents and children."

She said sometimes situations are on the edge of the parents losing control. She was concerned. But she said she also understands their stress.

"They're going to school full-time and parenting full-time. They struggle with that," she said.

Danks contacted parenting education specialists she knew, including Marlys Baker, who is administrator of child maltreatment prevention services for the Child and Family Services Division of the Department of Human Services in Bismarck.

The Circle of Parents concept, which is not a parent education class per se, more a parent support group, was suggested.

Baker said parent support groups seem to work.

"There's growing evidence that parent support groups prevent child abuse and neglect," she said.

She said Circle of Parents concept is sort of based on the Parents Anonymous concept, which is a support group for parents who have abused or neglected their children. But Circle of Parents is different in that it's for any parent looking for support or education. Baker said many of UTTC's students are from other parts of the country "with no extended family or tribal support."

She said she visited recently with a couple of parents in the UTTC group and it has been such a positive experience that they want to become involved in getting more services for parents like that.

To get the group off the ground more than a year ago, Danks got Kathleen Schmaltz involved. Schmaltz - a North Dakota State University extension agent in Mandan who focuses on parenting resources - has started several Circle of Parent groups in the area. Schmaltz then got parenting educator Verona Lechler, who also is with the extension service, to serve as a facilitator for the group.

"She's an awesome sweet lady, really approachable," Calabaza said about Lechler.

Lechler sometimes will bring materials, videos, and has topics at the ready if needed. But much of what is done is parent-driven. If a parent there has a parenting challenge to discuss, that's the topic of the day and other parents - a group of about 10, usually - are there to support and offer suggestions.

The group meets from noon to 1 p.m.on Tuesdays at the college's Jack Barden Center. Lechler said she is noticing participation is creating bonds among group members.

"They'll sit together in the cafeteria and carry on conversations," she said.

Schmaltz has been involved in also establishing Circle of Parent groups in Mandan, Washburn and Fort Yates.

For more information, call Schmaltz at 667-3342.

(Reach reporter Virginia Grantier at 250-8254 or at virginia.grantier@bismarcktribune.com.)