Bismarck Tribune

(Kayla Friesz and her family told their story to the Tribune in an effort to show how KidsCARE can help. The program, funded through Blue Cross Blue Shield, helps families through difficult situations.)

By SARA KINCAID

Freshman Kayla Friesz wants to feel like she did before she was in seventh grade.

She has a jampacked schedule, but one hardly envied by her classmates. Appointments with PATH, Archway, Chambers and Blohm, and a mentor with the Dacotah Foundation and Youthworks, as well as a caseworker at Youthworks, kept her family running all over town every night.

Her many appointments were the result of Kayla becoming depressed after starting middle school, then making some choices that caused her mother to go to the police when she snuck out of the house in the middle of the night.

"I went from being in the wrong crowd to being cited to being grounded for three months," she said.

She couldn't talk on the phone or go to dances, including the Valentine's Day dance. This was an important dance to miss for a girl who likes music, dancing and boys.

But the appointments affected her family as well.

"You don't have date night because you have appointment night or laundry night or home cooked meal night," Mary Friesz said.

Mary Friesz, Kayla's mother, came home from work and took Kayla straight to her appointments. They'd be gone until 8 p.m. Kayla's younger sisters, Alexius, 9; Jordyn, 2; and Rori, 8 months, tagged along, spending time in waiting rooms. Their father, Kevin, couldn't watch them because he works nights.

"Friends would invite me over, and I would ask mom if Icould go, and she would say Icouldn't because we had to do something because of Kayla," Alexius Friesz said.

That's how life was before Beth Larson-Steckler called and brought some much needed change for the family.

Larson-Steckler with Chambers and Blohm Psychological Services called to tell Mary Friesz about a program funded through Blue Cross Blue Shield that could help ease the burden of Kayla's numerous appointments.

It's called KidsCARE, a healthcare management option through Blue Cross Blue Shield that provides a lump sum of money to pay for services that can help keep a teen from going into residential treatment or foster care because of a mental health issue. It is managed by Chambers and Blohm.

"Without KidsCARE, you only focus on one person and their problems," Mary Friesz said. "You miss the needs of other family members."

The Frieszes pared Kayla's appointments down by getting rid of duplication in her treatment. They eliminated a mentor at the Dacotah Foundation and a caseworker at Youthworks.

Streamlining and customizing services starts with talking to a KidsCARE coordinator, like Larson-Steckler.

The first time families meet with Larson-Steckler can be like confession.

"(It's) scary, and you have to tell her details of your life you don't tell most people," Mary Friesz said.

Each family's plan is unique, and the family has the ultimate say in what is done through KidsCARE. Some families might need a neighbor to drive a teen to sports practice and help a parent find work, while for another family it is getting the teen involved in ballet and gradually getting the teen to go back to school.

"The nice thing about the partnership is it looks at the family as a whole," Mary Friesz said.

KidsCARE started at the Fargo Human Services Center. The program looks at ways to help families. No two families receive the same services but are funded through the same program. On average, a family receives about $1,400 a month, depending on the family needs.

Having the whole family running to appointments every night wasn't working for Mary Friesz and her girls.

The younger girls couldn't form friendships outside of school that they wanted. Mary Friesz couldn't even think of spending time with her husband for having to catch up on chores around the house.

Larson-Steckler helped Mary Friesz realize she needed help, in the form of a mother's helper.

"I would have not thought to ask for help. I never ask for it. It's refreshing," Mary Friesz said.

It's a weight off her shoulders to have someone come in and say she needs help.

Heather Christianson, her helper, watches the younger girls while she takes Kayla to appointments, or she takes Kayla to appointments while she stays home.

There's also times when Christianson will come by and watch the girls so Mary Friesz can get things done at home.

Working with the school through KidsCARE has been important in opening up communication. It makes Mary Freisz less worried about Kayla moving on to high school next year.

"I'm much more assured about what I need to look out for. I'm more knowledgeable about resources if something happened," she said.

Kayla has mixed emotions about going to Century High School. She's looking forward to a change of scenery but is worried about being around older students and being in a bigger building.

While the same triggers that brought her down in middle school will be at Century, Kayla has learned new ways to cope and make choices that she didn't have in seventh grade.

Teachers being involved in the process is helpful, Century High School teacher Mia Stafford said. Stafford works with students who qualify for special services because of mental health issues.

Stafford is sometimes outside the loop about what is happening with students who are needing special accommodations and gets the information through an individual education plan - a document that states what changes are made for the student that differs from the standard expectations or requirements to complete a class.

"I think it's really important. We get left in the dark. They're seeing their doctors and taking their medications … I can't do anything for the student, if I don't know and parents are so wrapped up (in what's happening)," Stafford said.

But Larson-Steckler helps everyone communicate what is happening and what each person needs to have happen.

The approach KidsCAREuses helps Mary Friesz feel less alone. A KidsCARE family meets with a group of professionals and develops a plan to meet goals. The goals can be simple, such as parents wanting their child to be home and the child wanting more independence, Larson-Steckler said.

"It's very important because you feel like a failure," Mary Friesz said.

Knowing other parents have gone through the same things helps, she said.

Before Kayla was in middle school, Mary Friesz considered her family an "average" family and they went to basketball games, volleyball games and soccer. Life was about the girls and "life wasn't chaotic," Mary Friesz said.

In another year or two, she wants life back to normal.

"I would hope life is once again centered on being a family and having fun, not appointment based," Mary Friesz said.

For information about the program, families or a teen's doctor or therapist can call Larson-Steckler at 323-0924 or 426-5137. For information about participating in the program, Larson-Steckler refers people to George O'Neill, who is the clinical director of mental health for Blue Cross Blue Shield. He can be contacted at 701-282-1364.

(Reach reporter Sara Kincaid at 250-8251 or sara.kincaid@;bismarcktribune.com.)