School Resource Officer Perry Lauer remembers a girl who rode the bus when he went to elementary school. She went from the barn to the bus in the morning and carried the smell of the dairy farm with her.

He and the other students teased her about the barnyard stench and jumped out her way to avoid her "germs."

Later in life, Lauer regretted the way he treated her. He tracked her down and apologized for his part in the teasing. The bullying affected her, and she appreciated the apology.

"We, as a group, we were mean," Lauer said. "It still bothers me that I did it."

He tells this story when he gives presentations on bullying.

"I think some things have gotten better, or will get better for a while,"he said, adding that it's easy for students to fall back into the pattern of teasing after time passes.

Bullying changes when students enter middle school. Suddenly, it matters who's popular and what people wear. Much of the bullying centers on peer pressure to conform. It's about wearing the right clothes and conforming to a standard, eighth-grader Samantha Lachenmeier said.

"If you don't fit what the media tells you, you're not perfect and not wanted," she said.

Schools use a variety of tactics to curb bullying in schools. Some of the strategies schools have used include presentations, such as Lauer's; teaching about bullying during seventh-grade orientation and addressing it in the handbook. Each of the middle schools keeps the grades separate from one another in the building and then divide the grades into teams. In the teams, a group of students share the same four core-subject teachers.

"It would be nice if we could buy a program that would work for everyone," said Russ Reihl, Simle Middle School principal. "We try to be as proactive as possible."

Schools use the school resource officer and police youth bureau to talk with kids to understand the real-world consequences of bullying. Heidi Otto and other Mandan police youth workers gave presentations on bullying to more than 700 students at six Mandan and Morton County schools this school year.

The often-requested programs include a variety of videos and presentations dependent on the age group of the students. Students and teachers have related well to a new video called "Five ways to stop a bully." Students watch other people their age role play the five strategies: pretend the bully doesn't bother you, tell the bully to stop, stand up together, ignore and walk away and tell an adult.

The bullying presentations seem to be the one schools want the most, Otto said.

"We use them a lot," she said. "It's probably the program … most requested by the schools. They keep asking for them, year after year."

At Horizon Middle School, the administration and teachers focus on a culture of respect to reduce incidences of bullying, said Rudy Steidl, Horizon Middle School principal.

"In orientation in seventh grade, we tell kids about the three 'R's.' They're not the same three R's: reading, 'riting and 'rithmetic, but respect of self, respect of others and responsible behaviors," Steidl said.

Setting policies is good, but intervention - by adults - is more important to the students. Students are afraid to intervene when bullying happens, mostly out of fear of reprisal.

"I wouldn't do anything," Wachter seventh-grader Mitch Erickson said, if he saw someone being bullied. "You could get in it and it could get worse and you would probably get in trouble."

Some students don't report bullying because of this fear. They are afraid they will become targets of bullying if the bully learns who tattled.

Middle-school students who report bullying are told that school officials won't identify them unless the problem can't be solved through individual meetings.

"When we talk to the students, we tell them at some point there could be a face-to-face meeting," Steidl said.

Despite fears, bystanders need to get more involved, instead of participating or doing nothing, Lauer said.

"We need kids to get involved," he said. "If you choose to do nothing, you're as bad as the person doing it."

Students also want teachers to intervene when it's happening, but not to cause embarrassment.

"I wouldn't like to see them lecture them (bullies) about it when it happens because it is embarrassing to the person in the situation," Wachter ninth-grader Stephanie Becker said. "They should stop the bully when they are alone, so they are not in a big group, then tell them, 'hey, cut it out,' especially if it's getting physical."

Parents also can help curb bullying. First they need to ignore their children's pleas to not say anything.

"Definitely (tell parents) because at times they (students) might feel threatened and feel it might get worse and it could come to a point they don't know where to turn to," Becker said.

Then principals want parents to call sooner than later. Usually parents call after the bullying has gone on for a few months. It gives the principals a chance to address it sooner. Also, no anonymous tips. All it does is protect the bully and does little to help their child.

"We have a responsibility to bullies, too," Reihl said.

Parents need to be proactive about talking to teachers if they suspect their children are being bullied or bullying someone else, Dahmen advises. If nothing gets done at one level, take it to the next.

"It's something you would want to be very vigilant about," he said. "Parents can make a big difference with it."

Some schools started peer mediation programs, where students work together to solve disputes. It has worked in some schools as a way for students to help each other out in bullying situations, Dahmen said.

Mediation techniques can be helpful if the problem does not get solved, Lauer said. The goal is find the cause of the problem rather than make the students friends. Sometimes, people who see themselves as victims are displaying behaviors that incite the supposed bullies to act, he said.

Parents sometimes get involved in mediation, too, because parents often display the same behaviors as their children, Lauer said.

"It's a learned behavior that goes on from the adults," he said. "They need to lead by example."

(Reach reporter Sara Kincaid at 250-8251 or sara.kincaid@bismarcktribune.com. Reach reporter Jenny Michael at 250-8225 or jenny.michael@bismarcktribune.com.)