I'm not sure I have time to write this column, because the Internet is still stealing vast amounts of my time.

The biggest offender these days is Facebook. According to Facebook, I have 104 friends. Some of them are folks I lost touch with decades ago, but we're now in contact daily, because I have my finger on the pulse of all their lives. It makes for a very busy social life.

Frederick, my old boss from Germany, is in Alaska, visiting his sister. Old college friend Deb went to New York City to see a show the other day. I'm sure I'll be privy to her impressions. Tara just went to Vegas; Tarra is singing in a wedding.

Then there's the instant chat feature. Two minutes after my niece announced that she was getting married - way too young - her mom, my sister Dianne, and I were chatting and commiserating about it.

The weirdest chats are those I have with St. Pete. Since we banished TV, we've moved our laptops into the TV room, so we're able to keep in touch from 10 feet apart. We're in the midst of a Facebook-sponsored virtual food fight right now, so I'm forced to scrape brownie sundae off my computer to write.

When he's not starting food fights with me, he's sending rounds of virtual drinks. If I don't virtually drink them, he sneaks onto my computer (and my sign-on), so that I come back to my computer and I'm drunk. Try explaining that to the virtual police when you're cruising the information superhighway.

Then there are the quizzes. If there's anything you want to know about yourself, anything at all, I promise you there's a Facebook quiz about it.

For example, taking the "Which of the Seven Deadly Sins Are You?" quiz, I found that I am "Sloth." I probably didn't need a quiz for that.

"What Type of Female Are You?" came back with "Sweet." Hah.

My hippie name is Moon Sky, my "emotional intelligence quotient" is 152, and I am a True Daughter of South Jersey. Just ask Facebook. My tarot card is the Five of Wands. Thanks to the "What Kind of Camper Are You?" quiz, I now know I'm "The Hampton Inn."

If I have any free time, it goes to the Facebook games. Jan kicks serious butt - including mine - on "Bejeweled Blitz," and Dianne is ahead, so far, in our first game of "Scrabble Beta."

Sunday saw my worlds collide, as I had to sandwich online chat, updates and games in and around cooking for an actual, in-person dinner guest and prepping my guest room for an honest-to-goodness visit from a former Trib co-worker.

I'm not sure I have time for "real time" anymore.

(Reach Derri Scarlett at derriscarlett@yahoo.com. Or on Facebook, where she's always happy to make new friends - including constant readers Mary, Jackie and Jo Ann. Her column runs on alternate Tuesdays. If she's not online.)