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Get over the food snobbery

Nov 25, 2007 - 04:05:42 CST

Whatever happened to French dressing? I went into a moderately upscale restaurant in Helena, Mont., last week with half a dozen friends. The waiter, a man in his early thirties, delivered up a two-minute monologue on the evening's specials as if he were an oral bard reciting passages of the Iliad.

When one of my companions tried to order a gin and tonic, he was offered six different brands of gin, one of which the restaurant happened to be "featuring" this month. We decided to start with salads. I was second in the ordering rotation. I ordered a house salad with French dressing.

Oh, my goodness. The waiter looked at me with pity and contempt. He could scarcely believe that such a rube had slipped under the radar at the door. What was I, from Ekalaka or something? Looking around meaningfully at my companions, and employing his most sniffy, snippy and condescending voice, he said, "I'm sorry, sir, we don't serve French dressing here. Might I suggest something else?" You know the rest. It was either a cave-cured Gorgonzola with a hint of pineapple or a gum of mango vinaigrette with a dollop of organic whipped cream on top.

In retaliation, I canceled my order of bow-harvested elk medallions with Tibetan mushrooms and a chokecherry reduction.

I wanted to stand up in the center of the restaurant and deliver a spirited defense of French dressing and maybe Jell-O too. At what point in American history did French dressing slip out of its place as a perfectly respectable salad dressing and become the surest sign that you grew up in a trailer park in Havre or Baker? I wanted to say to the waiter, "You are aware that we're in Montana, aren't you?"

Give me a restaurant where they still say Aye-talian. It would be interesting to take a culinary poll to see what percentage of the dining public really prefers a curried raspberry vinaigrette to the basic panoply of dressings you can buy in a grocery store. In my opinion, these innovations are imposed on us not because we find them delicious, but because they are supposed to make us feel like privileged gourmands who are different from the unwashed masses who, in their ignorance, still think French dressing is delicious.

Food snobbery really bugs me. I love good food as much as the next person and seek it out too, but in the end I try to remember that every meal, from my daughter's mac and cheese to boeuf en croute is really just provender. The ancient cynic philosopher Diogenes (died 323 BCE) advised: Eat only to banish hunger, sleep only to banish fatigue. That's not my food philosophy, but I try never to forget that point of view, either.

Here are two other food innovations that bug me.

1. Ciabatta and panini breads. Why, I ask, why? When I was growing, up we disliked the crusts and worked around them whenever Mother wasn't watching. Now, in middle life, it's almost impossible to order a sandwich that isn't protected by a heat shield worthy of the space shuttle. When I am reduced to ordering fat-free, farm-dried slivers of prosciutto with lightly-candied Portuguese pear tomatoes on herb ciabatta, I just sigh for what we have lost in America.

2. Novelty pizza. The thing that makes pizza so great is that it is ... pizza. It was perfect in its basic form: Crust, tomato sauce, cheese, toppings. I don't see what we gain by shifting to pesto sauce and sun-dried tomatoes with scattered shards of feta, all on a cornbread crust. It's fine if you want to concoct a flat, round open-face thing with scallion and fig sauce graced by a sheep cheese accent, but please don't call it pizza.

Once, when I was a child, my parents sent me into Lynch's grocery in Dickinson to buy fixings for spaghetti. It was Sunday after church, and according to the blue laws then still in force, only one teeny store was open in Dickinson. My parents stayed in the car. I approached the counter and in my piping boy's voice said, "Can you tell me where I can find parmesan (par-ma-zahn) cheese?" (You know, the old powdery variety in the green Kraft canister.) The 20-something male cashier sneered openly at me and said, "Humpff. It's par-MEE-zion."

Finally, have you been following the anti-Hooters jihad? My goodness, you'd think someone was threatening to open a strip joint or a porn shop next to a day-care facility. I have eaten at a Hooters restaurant two or three times in the course of a deeply sinful life, though never in North Dakota, and what happens inside those orange doors has not struck me as the road to Sodom and Gomorrah. Hooters! Gosh, folks, the next thing you know someone will be wanting to open up a teen center in town.

At Hooters, lightly clad, vaguely flirtatious women with bare midriffs bring your food. They don't linger much once they drop off the giant plate of fries. Beyond that, it is pretty much like Applebee's.

I was at a local sports bar the other night sipping a beer and quietly reading a book (geek), when a large woman at the next table lifted her sweatshirt and flashed the other five people at her table. At Hooters, they keep their shirts on.

Call me jaded, but I thought the cat was out of the bag on the use of sex appeal in American culture as a way of selling jeeps, diet sodas, deodorant and chicken wings. Spend 24 hours randomly watching primetime TV, surfing the Net or playing video games, and Hooters will seem like the Hebron Glee Club in 1958. I lived for 15 years in Reno, Nev., where kindergarten teachers wear gold lame with plunging cleavage and a belly button ring, and the billboards exhibit semi-recumbent women in velvet dresses under the message: "Come to Harrahs, the home of the loosest slots in town."

It's not on the restaurant front that we need to protect whatever's left of innocence in our culture.

I'm not a fan of Hooters, partly because the food is unremarkable, but mostly because I do believe it is one small manifestation of the exploitation of women in American capitalist culture. Nor will I eat there once it is up and running. But no part of me plans to join the picket lines. Given where we are as a culture, it's like worrying about an ingrown toenail when you have gangrene in your leg. If you want to protest the death of American culture, I'd start at the giant box stores, not at a beach-themed chain restaurant.

I never thought the following words would come out of my mouth. But given the irrational hostility some Bismarckians are attaching to this "innovation," I am pro-Hooters.

(Clay Jenkinson is the Theodore Roosevelt scholar-in-residence at Dickinson State University. He lives in Bismarck. Contact Jenksinson at Jeffysage@aol.com.)

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Comments

Miss M wrote on Jan 27, 2009 1:32 AM:

" I don't care about French Dressing, Hooters, or calamari....I just want to know if anybody has the recipe for A&B Pizza!?!?! I grew up in Bismarck, only get to visit there once a year, and CRAVE A&B Pizza from time to time. I'd Really like to know how to make it at home. A list of Brand name ingrediants or the Recipe would make life worth living in this small little town in SW Washington state!
THANK YOU!! "

Biff wrote on Mar 23, 2008 10:16 PM:

" Is there a McDonald's in Bismarck? I'm planning on a trip to there sometime in the summer, and I've got a hankering for one of those sandwiches where they put the meat on a bun with cheese on top. Then (as I recall) they put the bun "lid" on top of the cheese (which is on top of the meat).
Had one once, years ago on vacation. Still remember it.
Thanks! "

Simle Mom wrote on Dec 3, 2007 11:03 PM:

" Did someone say calimari???!!!! Red Lobster calimari---DO IT!!! It comes with broccoli & red pepper strips as well. (Skip that crappy sauce they serve with it...just eat the app as is.) And as for the French dressing---I have "THE" recipe for homemade french. My daughter who wouldn't touch veggies, now begs for a salad as long as it's with MY French drsg = ) (we have even 'snuck' little bottles into restaurants for her!!) No other drsg compares. Anyone want the recipe--let me know & we can get in touch!!! It is wonderful, and if any food snob objects, phooey!!! "

Picky Eater wrote on Dec 3, 2007 9:59 PM:

" I try to avoid anything that's breaded, fried and served with ranch dressing. Which seems to cover a lot of offerings. Never know for sure what's in the middle! "

MTV Generation wrote on Dec 3, 2007 8:41 PM:

" A&B Taco Pizza. 'Nuff said on THE major food group. "

Mouth from the South wrote on Dec 3, 2007 7:59 PM:

" to Deb; Sorry to burst your bubble, but I tasted and tried to eat Calamari at a very high end restaurant on the west coast. By no stretch of the imagination could this place be considered part of a chain. Calamari was still rubbery, tasteless and was still just squid. And still being squid is my point. A fancy name does not make it a high-end food or even particularly good for that matter. Yes, if you like different foods, that is great. But snobbery should not be involved in such a personal matter as to what the taste buds will tolerate or enjoy. And snobbery on the part of a waiter is ludicrous. His/her only concern should be for the comfort of the paying guest. If they can afford to eat in the establishment, no one should denigrate them for their food choices. After all, they are paying the bill. Personally, I hate a sweet or any type of vinegar or lemon juice dressing on my salads. Completely spoils the taste of the different greens and other ingredients. So apparently that should preclude my going to any so-called 'high-end' restaurants. Hasn't stopped me yet and I don't intend to let it. "

MamaMia wrote on Dec 3, 2007 2:39 PM:

" The Bistro used to make excellent calamari in a garlic butter sauce. (Don't know if they still do.) Sop up the leftover garlic sauce with your bread. . . yum yum! "

Deb wrote on Dec 3, 2007 12:59 PM:

" Mouth: you haven't had good calamari if it's rubbery - it's a classic mistake that chain restaurants make. Calamari is one of my fave appetizers to make - and if you just lightly bread them (I like panko) and flash fry them - the texture is awesome. Crunchy exterior, velvety center. Not rubbery at all. The beer battered, deep fried junk you get at Applebees is why people get bad impressions of really good food. "

Rebecca wrote on Dec 3, 2007 11:29 AM:

" What I think is funny is that Clay likes pizza, but not pizza with fancy cheese or toppings. He does realize, right, that pizza is Italian (not aye-talian...actually a racial slur when said that way) and that if you go to Italy, it is not what it is here. So really, when he orders pizza, he should differentiate that he wants American pizza, so as to not get anything "fancy". I know America is all about processed foods, and fine. But if you go to a high end restaraunt, you should expect high end foods. I agree with Deb. Foodies rule! "

Mouth from the South wrote on Dec 3, 2007 8:54 AM:

" Oh, and French Dressing is just your lemon juice, oil, seasonings, etc, basic vinagriette with tomatoes or tomato soup used as the flavoring instead of pineapple, raspberry or mango. "

NYxND wrote on Dec 3, 2007 8:53 AM:

" Maybe we should all get together and start a Friends of Jenkinson Club. We could make it very exclusive and every meeting we could serve Hearts of Iceberg Salad slathered in French Dressing. Now THAT could be some fun snobbery. Honestly, I don't think I've read such a hearfelt defense of character, even those who wrote in defending the actions of all at WSI. It's been fun reading this. "

Mouth from the South wrote on Dec 3, 2007 8:50 AM:

" However, food with common names does not fill some people's need to feel superior to others, even if it is just in what they eat. Calamari is still squid, rubbery and hard to eat. Changing the name doesn't change the food. "

Anyone Else Notice .... wrote on Dec 2, 2007 10:26 PM:

" ...how some version of mac and cheese has recently become a featured item at the various 'upper end' dining places? Organic spring wheat pasta with aged chedder lightly sprinkled and baked to a golden and crispy perfection, of course. What's next? Organic creamy nut butter and fresh fruit spread on a thin slice of folded wheat-berry and sunflower seed fire-baked bread? As for Hooters, whatever. "

To: To This is all Just Ridiculous wrote on Dec 2, 2007 9:31 PM:

" Not sure what axe you are trying to grind here. But, thank you very much for enlightening me about the meaning of true friendship. In that vein, yes, Clay Jenkinson is my new friend. "

?? wrote on Dec 2, 2007 4:49 PM:

" LJK sweetie there isn't an indian restaurant in a 100 mile radius of bismarck the nearst one is in Fargo. and i'm glad to see that point to ponder sees my point of view on the closed mindedness of the bis/man community. however Clay when you go to a restaurant with a fancy name or look at a menu with fancy entres do you honestly think you're going to get french dressing there? i highly doubt it. when going to restaurants such as the one you went to keep an open mind and remember ranch, french, and basic run of the mill dressings will not be served there more people who go to restaurants like that want everything to complament their meals including drinks and wines. theres something to think about "

To: This is all just ridiculous wrote on Dec 2, 2007 4:26 PM:

" You say that Clay recently became your friend. Is this true friendship that you are writing about, a mere exagerrated opinion of him, or an infatuation? To me, it seems that the superlatives you use to describe Clay do not speak of true friendship, they do not convince me that you are in touch with reality, and, they provide evidence that you are ignorant of the many gifted men and women in North Dakota. True friendship has to do with mutual respect, trust, openness, honesty, truth, and reality. "

notnek wrote on Dec 2, 2007 3:49 PM:

" A great story and timely to boot. With all the mean spirited rhetoric these days this story is truly some much needed fresh air. I believe meat a potatoes and those great things from your own personal garden is as good as it gets when it comes to the proper cuisine. "

Mouth from the South wrote on Dec 2, 2007 10:29 AM:

" There are three major differences between 'snob' food and regular food. Price, name and how the 'waiter' acts. Still food, still mainly same ingredients, but oh how the other three are 'pumped' up. Most snob food is still grandma's cooking with a fancy name. "

expositor wrote on Dec 1, 2007 10:43 PM:

" And all these years I thought my sister was a "food snob" because she wouldn't eat her eggs if they got chokecherry syrup on them, turning them green. But how else can you have green eggs and ham? More for me, I guess. "

To: Humble Man wrote on Dec 1, 2007 10:01 PM:

" You most certainly betray the name by which you call yourself. Do you know Clay? If not, my most "HUMBLE" suggestion is that you make the effort. "

The Bismarck Food wrote on Dec 1, 2007 7:48 PM:

" I moved from Bismarck many years ago, and have returned for visits from time to time. The food and service at restaurants is Bismarck is relatively good, with some restaurants serving excellent food. I find that the restaurants in Bismarck-Mandan want to catter to the tastes and budgets of a variety of people, for which I commend the restaurant owners and managers. When I think back on the years when I lived in Bismarck, only once incident involving food stands out, but not in the best light. The owners of a newly established crematorium in downtown Bismarck were holding their open house one afternoon before starting their business. At the end of the guided educational tour of the new facilities, finger food was served to the guests. Don't call me snobbish, but maybe you may call me a bit squeamish. The crematorium has since been shut down, I'm told. Over the years, I've told this story only a few times, and I reserve telling this story at parties when the conversation needs a little spark and life. Thanks, Clay, for providing the opportunity for me to share this story here on this blog with the hope that it provides a little life and energy to the conversation. "

LJK wrote on Dec 1, 2007 4:37 PM:

" Mmmmmm, Indian food. Saag Paneer and a little Chicken Korma, please. Are there any Indian restauants within a 100 mile radius? 'Scuse the spelling error. It's a Saturday. "

Henry and Linda wrote on Dec 1, 2007 3:33 PM:

" I've been trying to stay out of this one but I can't any longer. The key words in this article are: "I just sigh for what we have lost in America." The article isn't really about the French Dressing or Hooters now is it? Good article Clay. (As usual) Thanks. Linda "

REX wrote on Dec 1, 2007 2:35 PM:

" As for me? I LOVE Hardees bisquits and gravy, coffee, not capuchino, hash rounds and a book to read. I don't know where "Michael" has been but I cook everything in cast iron, just like mom, and my family raves about how good it is. They have only one complaint and that is about my gravy. I don't make enough of it. Cast Iron Rules. "

mom-of-teens wrote on Dec 1, 2007 1:49 PM:

" I had the MOST WONDERFUL dining experience last NIGHT at a terrific place....you may have heard of it... called Applebees! They brought me french dressing for my salad, the atmosphere was great and the wait staff was fully CLOTHED and not told to prance around for the benefit of the customers to keep their jobs! The food was great; the desert was even BETTER; I was so IMPRESSED, I may eat there again........ "

Michael wrote on Dec 1, 2007 1:25 PM:

" I too have eaten in places like Clay describes. You know, where the wait staff even cuts your meat for you and sends the violinist over? I have to say that I never found anything that could rival my own cooking. And I don't care for ill treatment from snobs. Come over to my house, Clay. It's just like mom used to make. "

Deb wrote on Dec 1, 2007 12:42 PM:

" to "confused?" : it's on Hwy 22 (3rd street) south of Villard (main street) about a half block past the train bridge. I can't recall the name of it. It's take-out only & they make everything as you order it - so be prepared to wait. And here's a hint: when you order your spring rolls "hot" - take caution - they are H-O-T!!!! They don't mess around with the srirracha sauce!! While eating them, have a mountain dew or other sugary beverage in the other hand and use it liberally. "

Humble man wrote on Dec 1, 2007 10:31 AM:

" To: This is all just ridiculous. "Clay is simply the most intelligent person who currently resides in North Dakota. He is also the most studied person who currently resides in North Dakota." Those statements are pure nonsense. As far as a "living treasure," that is also nonsense. If I were Mr. Jenkinson and had just read that nonsense I would be surely embarrassed! You would have all of us stepping in line to follow god Jenkinson and that is not going to happen. Mr. Jenkinson is a good and decent man and sometimes an excellent writer, but occasionally even good and decent men blunder. The singer and songwriter Rufus Wainwright had it right when he said, "Everything I do, I feel is genius. Whether it is or isn't." "

What am I missing... wrote on Dec 1, 2007 6:29 AM:

" I thought the story was hysterically funny...lighten up, world! The people out in this area take everything soooo seriously! Keep up the stories, Clay! "

TO-This is all just ridiculous... wrote on Dec 1, 2007 5:32 AM:

" Thank you for expressing your opinion and that is all it is, just your opinion. I just started to read what people had written from the top on down and really was turned off by your remarks. What makes him the most intelligent person to reside in this state, have you done a complete survey of the entire population to come up with this statement or are we just shooting from the hip? The same goes for the statement for the most studied person within the state. It is my humble opinion the most intelligent people usually sit on their brains and not use them for the good of all mankind. No, this is not meant as a slam to the Mr. Jenkinson, just to the off the wall opinions that you have presented which are a detriment to the rest of the people who reside in and make this the great state that it is. "

This is all just ridiculous... wrote on Nov 30, 2007 11:21 PM:

" Whatever your opinion of French dressing, the posters on this blog need to know about Clay Jenkinson, who, recently, has become a friend of mine. Clay is very simply the most intelligent person who currently resides in North Dakota. He is also the most studied person who currently resides in North Dakota. He is a living North Dakota treasure whom we should all love, admire, and appreciate. To all of you anti-Clay bloggers, I say, meet the man. He is open, cordial, charming...everything you would want in a truly "Renaissance Man," which he epitomizes. Or...oops...make that the true gentleman/scholar of the Enlightenmint, which he most eminently epitomizes, especially through his reenacting of Thomas Jefferson. Clay would make a far better candidate for president than any of the current plastic non-entities. He knows American history! And how it should be played out in our time! "

To; Nate wrote on Nov 30, 2007 10:12 PM:

" Nor do I want to nitpick, but not all bards were oral. As you can see, some are anal. "

confused? wrote on Nov 30, 2007 6:40 PM:

" To Deb: where in Dickinson can you get thai food? It would be a great change instead of the same old thing all the time. Thanks "

A Shocker wrote on Nov 30, 2007 3:27 PM:

" When I first started reading this column, I concluded that you perhaps were just having a bad hair day. As I continued to read the column, and not seeing the name of a writer beneath the title of the column, my next guess was that you perhaps were suffering from PMS. I sort of pittied you. If it hadn't been the lack of French dressing that set you off in the restuarant that evening, the rant would have been about the waiter serving you water with ice cubes instead of crushed ice, or even worse, serving you a salad without garlic-flavored croutons. When I came to the end of the column, I saw that you are male. That was a shocker. I quickly recalled an article I read some time ago about older men going through stages of menopause. Check with a medical doctor about medicine that is available to reduce the anxiety level that can help prevent another espisode of hysteria in a restuarant that doesn't serve French dressing. Friends have introduced me to Ranch Dressing. Give it a try. "

Deb wrote on Nov 30, 2007 2:45 PM:

" to "Point to Ponder" : OMG - I'm sooo with you. I see a scenario here in Bismarck: we have hundereds if not thousands of service sector jobs available here in Bis. Just like when Fargo started to expand at an exponential rate, it will bring in the immigrants to Bis. Then we will get the Indian restaurants & Thai restaurants & Greek & Japanese etc etc. Take a look at Dickinson, which is expanding becuase of the oil boom - they have an amazing Thai restaurant there!!! Dickinson!! Who would have thought?? I can't wait to get sushi here - and authentic sushi - nothing against East 40 because I partake in sushi mondays a lot, but deep fried shrimp wrapped in rice & seaweed isn't sushi. "

Nate wrote on Nov 30, 2007 2:02 PM:

" Not to nitpick, but weren't ALL bards "oral?" Otherwise, wouldn't they be called "scribes?" Second, what the heck is your point? This plodding diatribe would be torn apart by just about any high school English teacher for having no purpose or central theme. If you're going to rant, pick a point and stick with it. And look, some people like this fascinating thing called "variety" in their meals. I know it may come as a shock to you, being the delightfully well-spoken rube you apparently consider yourself to be, but it's true. If you don't like it, fine, eat at home and keep your mouth shut, some of us are busy enjoying our food. Also, who the heck goes to a sports bar to read a book? "

Yes! wrote on Nov 30, 2007 12:12 PM:

" Tammy Swift! Bring her back, she had an awesome column! "

jb wrote on Nov 30, 2007 11:31 AM:

" Hilarious!! Too bad it went 'over the heads' of the masses. Your article was funny, as it was meant to be. Enjoyed your humor!! Lighten up and laugh, people. Life is too short to be 'twisted in a knot'!!!! "

Point to Ponder wrote on Nov 30, 2007 10:56 AM:

" I was in Fargo/Moorhead over Thanksgiving. There you have choices like two Indian restaurants, two Thai restaurants, a Japanese restaurant that has a Sushi bar, Middle Eastern, Greek, etc restaurants. Given the choice, I would rather eat Thai or Indian or a plate of handrolled Sushi any day over the same type of menu items offered by Hooters, Ruby, Applebee's, TGI Fridays, insert latest chain name here. Does that make me a food snob, maybe. But wouldn't a little more variety for the palate be good for Bismarck diners? "

Cindyloo wrote on Nov 30, 2007 9:22 AM:

" Tammy Swift? I miss her too. She writes for the Fargo Forum now. "

Booberry? wrote on Nov 30, 2007 7:36 AM:

" Booberry was my favorite when I was a kid, I was so excited to see it back I bought a box, poored myself a bowl and guess what? It tasted horrible! Yuck, Yuck, Yuck. I was so bummed. Not sure what changed, me or the cereal. I like my French mixed with a little Ranch. I enjoyed Clay this week, makes me miss Tammy what's her name who used to write for the Tribune in the early 90's, but only if she's aged better then the Booberrys. "

Voice of Reason wrote on Nov 30, 2007 1:16 AM:

" Personally I don't like french dressing...but I will defend to the death your right to order it. Don't care for lutifisk either but lefsa is way up on my list of fave foods. I just wish I could find knoefla soup anywhere else. Now that's some good eatin'. "

LJK wrote on Nov 29, 2007 4:00 PM:

" Whether it's Montana or New York, foodies rock! There are advantages to developing a sophisticated palate and some of the best building blocks for great food come from N.D. I recently saw on a menu (from an upscale restaurant on Cape Cod) "Buffalo Medallions- from North Dakota, America's finest". "

conservative wrote on Nov 29, 2007 3:42 PM:

" to NYxND: excellent post. Couldn't agree with you more "

notafundamentalist wrote on Nov 29, 2007 3:35 PM:

" Clay, here's an INNOVATION for you! Eat at HOME!!! "

To: Clay wrote on Nov 29, 2007 3:34 PM:

" I don't want to get involved in the food fight on this blog, but since you were in a restaurant in Helena, Mont., why didn't you at least try to eat Rocky Mountain Oysters as an appetizer? That would have given your uppity waiter an opportunity to give you a monologue on the various ways that the oysters are prepared and served. Live a little and broader your horizon! "

trix are for kids wrote on Nov 29, 2007 2:37 PM:

" is anyone else upset that Trix no longer come in fruity shapes? Now they are just homogenous little balls. But on a positive note, for some odd reason Dan's (at least the North one) is selling FRANKENBERRY and BOOBERRY for $1/box. Get em while they're cheap! And when are we gonna get a restaurant that serves fried bologna or fried peanut butter and banana sandwhiches?? Now, that's fine dining without the snobbery. Hint...if you wanna make your own fried bologna sammich....don't forget to split the meat at the edges in a couple of places or you'll just have a warm bologna bowl with burnt edges. Mmmm mmmm good. "

Captain Crunch wrote on Nov 29, 2007 1:42 PM:

" KFC for me! "

NYxND wrote on Nov 29, 2007 1:17 PM:

" Which is worse? The marketing image of scantily clad women used to lure customers into a restaurant or a cast of colorful characters led by a red-headed clown who promises a free toy with every sodium laden caloric kids meal? And people are worried about Hooters? How many McD's are in Bismarck right now? How many kids are eating at one on a daily basis? Sounds like the offensive and misogynistic restaurant is not as big a problem. I would start worrying about your obese children and what nutritional lessons they are learning from those McNuggets. "

NYxND wrote on Nov 29, 2007 1:09 PM:

" What I don't get is why Clay went in the first place? If he wanted the comfort of a known food experience why not just go to Applebees or Denny's where there is no variation to the menu no matter where you live? To go someplace that is "fancy" or "different" and then be shocked and offended that you can't get the run-of-the-mill sounds like a lot of defensive ignorance. It's like going to McDonalds and getting upset that there isn't a Whopper on the menu. I don't think the problem is with the restaurant but with the customer and whatever expectations they have going in. Sounds nice that there are other options out there. And Hooters has great wings. "

Me wrote on Nov 29, 2007 12:21 PM:

" Get over it. Things in life are always changing. Adapt to the situation. Bring your own french dressing with you the next time you eat there. "

ill wrote on Nov 29, 2007 9:32 AM:

" Why is everyone being so combative about this? It's FUNNY! I think some of these others are right, Clay, your intelligence and humor are wasted here... "

Tommy wrote on Nov 29, 2007 7:44 AM:

" let me guess... downtown Helena in that new area right next to the nice hotel.. cant remember the name but I ate there last year.. It reminded me of a bunch of hillbillies dressed up like french waiters and acting about as snobbish. I ate my food and wasn't that crazy about it. When I am in The south of France I would expect to be treated like that. Not in Helena MT. Would it be that hard to have a bottle of French dressing in the fridge. I'm sure its not the first time. I personally dont like salads that are bitter and full of dandelions .. here is a solution. dont ever eat there again and tell as many of your friends about your experience. write a letter to hte owner "

upscale wrote on Nov 28, 2007 7:40 PM:

" So Clay, you knew you were going to a higher end restaurant, probably had to dress up, and what? You wanted to eat iceberg lettuce and french dressing? You must be really afraid of trying things new in the food world. Recommendation: live a little and don't be so cheap. What's funny is you probably had to sit there like a boy who wouldn't eat his peas all while your companions enjoyed a great dinner. "

daffer wrote on Nov 28, 2007 7:04 PM:

" Nodakman, seems to me Clay already has a good job, and I've seen him on C-SPAN, which I probably need to explain is a public affairs cable channel. He seems to be doing pretty good for himself and has amassed a good amount of credibility. The most relevant comment here was by MamaMia who wrote, "Clay, your wit and wisdom are obviously lost on the great unwashed masses in North Dakota." "

REX wrote on Nov 28, 2007 4:50 PM:

" This is where you and I differ, Clay. I would have left. "

Michael wrote on Nov 28, 2007 12:18 PM:

" No, the reason we are offered so many choices is not for our health. It is to attract more customers. "

morality existed before religion wrote on Nov 28, 2007 10:24 AM:

" What is with ppl? u guys act like satan is coming to town with the hooters building. Hooters is not going to change anything with the sexplotaion of girls. It happens in schools and everywhere else so why is this hooters such a big deal. If u dont like dont eat there, but dont try to change a franchise because it "exposes girls" They dont have to wear the tight shorts they can were sweatpants if she chooses. Hooters is not the cause of sexplotation "

ill wrote on Nov 28, 2007 9:24 AM:

" I was prepared to let you have it when I read the title of this article. Living in a major city has made me a proud "food snob." I rarely consume anything pronounceable anymore. And I LOVE it. Life is good when you can get affordable Turkish and Ethiopian cuisine easier than stopping by McDonalds. However, having grown up in ND, I still secretly long for steaming, heaping, meat and potato plates smothered in gravy, and a giant salad of mostly croutons piled high with cheese and layered with ranch dressing. Just don't tell my friends! You had me rolling. Absolutely hilarious commentary. I can always appreciate a good rant. Thanks for this well written, funny, honest story. Here's to your "French" food! "

Reasons wrote on Nov 28, 2007 8:41 AM:

" Hooters is coming here no matter what. Some people will go and some people wont. That is old news. This food snobbery stuff is ridiculous. Just as technology changes so will the foods that we eat. The reason we are offered so many different choices is for our health. Pizza made with thin crusts and less sauce and more vegetables makes it more healthy. Same goes for light salad dressings and pita breads. Our society is just trying to help us be healthier people. If you dont like these foods offered then eat the other stuff because that food is also still available. Choose your restaurant selection wisely and to suit you. There is plenty of options. "

MamaMia wrote on Nov 28, 2007 8:34 AM:

" Clay, your wit and wisdom are obviously lost on the great unwashed masses in North Dakota, but keep on truckin', fellow DHS alumnus! "

nodakman wrote on Nov 27, 2007 9:30 PM:

" Now there is something I can agree with you on, French Dressing. 2 weeeks ago you told us we were racist for supporting the fighting sioux nickname and now we find out your a sexist supporting Hooters. my what a double standard you have. Get a job Clay. "

JB wrote on Nov 27, 2007 5:56 PM:

" To KK: I live on the east coast too. We have french dressing here - I've seen it. Where do you reside? Mayberry RFD? "

REX wrote on Nov 27, 2007 4:21 PM:

" 23 YEARS, that is. "

REX wrote on Nov 27, 2007 3:24 PM:

" BTC It's not really a waste of time to read a bad story. At least you get in some practice. The average American spends 23 of their lives either watching TV or on the computer. Now THATs a waste. "

KK wrote on Nov 27, 2007 3:17 PM:

" I moved from ND to the East Coast, where you cannot get French dressing anywhere, not even in the grocery store!!! I have to go home to ND every year to get my fix! Consider yourself lucky that you can get it anytime. "

BTC wrote on Nov 27, 2007 2:40 PM:

" JUST READ YOUR COLUMN. FIVE MINUTES I WILL NEVER GET BACK! WHAT A WASTE OF TIME. "

Michael wrote on Nov 27, 2007 12:32 PM:

" Anyone notice how difficult it is getting to find a cup of coffee lately? If you don't make absolutely sure that you're understood you'll end up with a coke. More often than not you'll have to wait for the coffee to be made because some pimple faced kid let it run out at noon. "

Savysac wrote on Nov 26, 2007 5:00 PM:

" Perhaps you would have had a better response to your request for the French dressing if you simply asked for Freedom Dressing. Just a thought, "

haze wrote on Nov 26, 2007 2:51 PM:

" To Still Laughing - you may be onto something. However - rather than having a man greet me at the door of a restaurant - I'd rather have him come to my house, cook the meal and cleanup afterwards and then go home! hahah. Then I don't have to get dressed up. And that's a big NO to the tango. hahaah. "

Deb wrote on Nov 26, 2007 1:14 PM:

" Clay - why didn't you ask them to mix ketchup with some oil? That's your french dressing. Yuck. We're in a fight. Foodies rule!!! "

Joy wrote on Nov 26, 2007 9:10 AM:

" Speaking of tirades..."Eating a burger..." Why do you continue to read the words of a columnist you obviously do not enjoy? For the rest of us who still enjoy French (and bleu cheese) dressing, keep it up Clay. A good laugh on a Monday morning is exactly what I need after a tryptophan-filled weekend. "

Keep on writting! wrote on Nov 25, 2007 9:51 PM:

" Hi Clay, Thoroughly enjoyed your article! French Dressing, who knew, thought you could get that anywhere, anytime! Your humor is refreshing ! Nice to have articles that make you think and others that make you laugh! North Dakota is lucky to have you! "

Aaron wrote on Nov 25, 2007 7:02 PM:

" Another great Exploitation Question of our time: are the Hooters women being exploited, or are the Hooters women exploiting the wallets of men? Value judgments are always complex. Nice article, Clay. I enjoyed it. "

The Hotdish Hoyden wrote on Nov 25, 2007 1:43 PM:

" Thanks Clay. I was sipping my mocha latte and nibbling on oven-baked dutch crunch bread with a lemon curd and mango chutney while perusing your column. It made me nostaglic for Lynch's Grocery, Pixie Stix and Bazooka Bubblegum. "

David wrote on Nov 25, 2007 11:36 AM:

" These blogs constantly remind me of people who have nothing better to do than listen to Rush Limbaugh and yell at the world. Clay's column is one of the few places in the Sunday paper where we are forced to stop and THINK. This week's offering is lighter, which is good every now and then. It's also good to poke fun at ourselves now and then as well. It's true "you can't please everyone," and the more I read these postings, I can't imagine why Clay or anyone else would want to even try. "

Eating a burger at... wrote on Nov 25, 2007 9:29 AM:

" Still Laughing… Your post is great food for thought only if you are eating out of a garbage can. Get a great friend to take you somewhere classy. I will say no more on the subject. As far as today’s Tribune article is concerned, Mr. Jenkinson, I realize it has to be difficult to come up with a “winner” each week. Thus far you have struck out several weeks in a row. Well there still is next week. "

Eating a burger at... wrote on Nov 25, 2007 8:51 AM:

" Oh my goodness, what do we have this week? Well another Jenkinson tirade, this time on food. I tried to read through the article, but lost all interest when he started to chastise some Bismarckers regarding the Hooter’s jihad (Jenkinson’s word not mine). Frankly I will never patronize Hooters, so for me that is the end of the discussion. But not Jenkinson, he just continues on his righteous indignation informing the brow beaten and bored reader, of his thoughts on the now trite subject, blah, blah, blah, blah and more blah. "

Still Laughing:Great food for thought Clay wrote on Nov 25, 2007 5:47 AM:

" I agree there are many more issues that need our attention! The rape and women’s crisis center has plenty of need for your energy. How about creating a kids community center, that a really is a good idea and much needed? How about putting energy in a positive place…..My suggestion women! Open a wonderful restaurant that women will go to!!!! Picture this! A nice place where a man greets you at the door, he is dressed in a theme, maybe a tux. He sits with you at dinner…has a wonderful conversation…. have some of that fancy food Clay talked about, discuss your long hard day with the kids or work…..then he takes your hand and dances with you… the tango?….Or maybe you are hard core and want a Biker dude for one night to hang with? Leather and chains? You eat some America Pizza and slam some shots and they will even taxi you home safely! Perhaps you prefer a cowboy and country dancing? Or a construction worker that will offer free advise to solve all of those unfixed home repairs on your husband’s to-do list, or a geek to sit and read with all night, fireside, sipping green tea and listening to classical music? Whatever strikes your fancy! Then he walks you to your car and you go safely home. Be assured they will by HOT and so sweet and considerate…….my guess is it will be busy every night the most “hoppin” place in town!! That is if any man would let his wife/girlfriend venture. Look at what the whole sale of “sex in the city” has done to middle class women who are getting implants and cosmetic surgery. Why do you think Victoria Secret is no longer a secret? Think about that if men had competition perhaps they too would step up to the plate. Use this “anything goes” era to your advantage!! You could call it Homme délicieux! Or Pokers. "

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