Nov 26, 2007 - 12:05:26 CST
I always wanted a daughter, but never got one. I'm not complaining about my four sons, I've just always envied fathers who were lucky enough to spoil "daddy's little girl" and later mess with would-be suitors' minds as they tried to steal them away from the old man.So maybe that's why as a college professor for eight years I enjoyed being somewhat of a surrogate father to young co-eds away from home for the first time.
If your mind just wandered down a path it shouldn't travel, and you read something into that statement that was not meant to be there, be assured my wife was beside me all the way serving as a surrogate mom.
One day a student came to my office with scrapes across her face and arms. I asked her what happened. She told me she was playing "chicken," perched on her boyfriend's back, against another couple and got knocked off onto the asphalt. After explaining to her it was a game best played in a swimming pool I asked:
"Were you drunk?"
"Yes," she said.
I gingerly offered her advice, and she listened, I think for two reasons: First, I wasn't her lecturing biological father, and second, she knew I honestly cared about her.
My instruction was also effective because of my tone, which was one of humility and respect. I wasn't arrogant or cock-sure in my words of persuasion; it was far from a tongue-lashing. While not agreeing with her actions, I tried to be as understanding as possible, knowing full-well I had made some mistakes in my life, and I had an absolute understanding I would make more in the future.
Humility in life is such an asset, despite words from Joan Baez, the Woodstock Festival folksinger and songwriter who said: "I've never had a humble opinion in my life. If you're going to have one, why bother to be humble about it."
There are many things I like about Baez, mostly her music. I don't always like her politics and opinions, but that doesn't mean I wouldn't treat her with respect in a conversation, in a non-accusatory way.
I think a lot about humility. There are temptations to allow conceit to fill the mind and soul, or to become overly prideful, or to think I am most always right and that everyone must agree with me.
But I am not alone. I get calls from readers just about every day who take issue with the newspaper's editorial opinion, the selection of crossword puzzle placement, the message in funny-page comic strips, misspellings, typos and delivery problems. It comes with the territory.
But back to Baez, "if you are going to have one (an opinion) why bother to be humble about it?"
There is much we can learn from that statement, one I believe is problematic. First, there is no real bother in humility. Second, there is much more wisdom in a statement made by author Franz Kafka, one of the most influential Western literature writers: "Humility provides everyone - with the strongest relationship to his fellow man, and this immediately, though, of course, only in the case of complete and permanent humility."
Humility can't be faked, or at least it can't be faked forever. Complete and permanent humility is something we should all strive for. There is absolutely nothing wrong with confidence, but being excessively bold, obnoxiously presumptuous or absorbed in self-importance is bad enough - and even worse when it is displayed to others.
In the greater sense of things we are all somewhat insignificant, but our importance to others can be enhanced through courteous respectfulness, even in disagreement.
While that might not always be accomplished, it is the goal for the content of the Tribune's editorial page. Another goal, however, is to be honest and truthful as a community institution and proclaim our agreed upon beliefs. It is a reader's option to agree or disagree with the editorials arrived at by our six-member board. The purpose of newspaper editorials has more to do with community dialog than dictating dogma.
Last week the Tribune came under some fire for suggesting that a project should not be financed by student fees. A few took it as a personal affront, which it wasn't. The editorial, in fact, was largely supportive of the project.
It would seem clear that both positions can be supported. But chest-thumping, brow-beating and offering up the third-degree isn't constructive or necessary.
So, in the final analysis who would you pick? Baez or Kafka?
When it comes to community conversations I'd humbly suggest Kafka's analysis would generate more goodwill and greater opportunity for consensus.
(You can reach editor John Irby at 250-8266 or john.irby@;bismarcktribune.com and go to http://www.bismarcktribune.com/blog/?w=thepaper&e_id=2671/ to read his blog.)
timdufelmeier wrote on Nov 27, 2007 10:36 PM:
timdufelmeier wrote on Nov 27, 2007 10:31 PM:
Gregory Yelloh wrote on Nov 27, 2007 9:40 PM:
Ken Holley wrote on Nov 27, 2007 5:40 PM:
Which one? wrote on Nov 27, 2007 2:22 PM:
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