Aug 09, 2007 - 04:02:55 CDT
Is "sexy" an appropriate look for an 8-year-old? No? How about a 10-year-old? A 12-year-old?Younger and younger girls, including "tweens" ages 8 to 12, are the marketing targets for tight T-shirts, low-rise jeans and spaghetti-strap tank tops, said Nancy Rue, of Nashville, Tenn., author and speaker with Virtuous Reality Ministries, a national ministry that aims to provide girls with tools to deal with what the ministry calls "promiscuous" cultural messages.
Teachers tell Rue that 7- and 8-year-olds are using words like "sexy," she said.
"Our whole culture has just become very sexualized, on TV, movies, ads, music and videogames. It's everywhere," she said.
Rue is the author of more than 100 books, including "Girl Politics: Friends, Cliques and Really Mean Girls" and "Body Talk," the Faithgirlz! "Sophie" series, "Beauty Lab" and "Everybody Tells Me To Be Myself But I Don't Know Who I Am."
Rue said what she finds particularly disturbing is that there's no difference between what fashions are offered to teens and to tweens.
"Tweens are little girls," she said. "They're still children (but) encouraged to dress like 'mini-teens.'"
Kids may seem more sophisticated than ever, but they're not emotionally equipped to leave childhood behind so soon, Rue said: "Girls are not given a chance to live out their little-girl-hood before their teen years."
"The disturbing part for teens is the emphasis is on looking "sexy'," she said, "rather than feminine, or choosing what fits your personality or body."
These days, a girl who dresses modestly doesn't have society backing her up as it did when Rue was a teen in the '60s, she said.
Then, girls who looked trashy were teased; now it's almost the opposite, she said. Rue sees the rates of suicide and depression among teens as an indicator that teens can't handle the pressure.
Rue, who has a master's degree in education from the College of William and Mary in Virginia and is a lector and Eucharistic minister at her local Episcopal Church, said it's important to instill in girls "how much God loves you, and you're worth waiting for."
And it's important for girls who choose modesty to surround themselves with like-minded people and not "just give in to it," Rue said.
Pure Fashion, a faith-based organization headquartered in Cumming, Ga., has been promoting modest dress for girls 14-18 for eight years with its "formation program," a seven- to eight-month learning program that teaches girls to present themselves well, said Brenda Sharman, the group's national director.
The formation program focuses on skills such as standing and walking like a lady, public speaking and leadership, Sharman said, and culminates in a fashion show featuring everything from sportswear to formal wear, "clothing that is pretty, not provocative," she said.
The Pure Fashion organization encourages parents around the country to establish relationships with retailers in their own communities to carry more modest lines of merchandise for teen and tween girls. Pure Fashion leaders also learn to be selective and creative with fashions that are available off the rack, layering tops when necessary, for example, she said.
Some retailers such as Nordstrom's and Macy's have responded to parental concerns by carrying more covered-up clothing lines such as the Shade brand, Sharman said.
Rue is encouraged by what she sees as the beginnings of a backlash against trash and some signs of a return to modesty.
"Clothes this season are a lot less trashy, from what I can see," she said. "They're more fun, more feminine - baby doll dresses, long flowing dresses and fun accessories such as belts and tights. The ultra-mini is in, but it's also trendy to wear tights or leggings under it."
What's not so good, she said, is the continuing popularity of low-rise "skinny" jeans, "but tops are least over the belly button these days, so we don't have to see the thong undies," she said.
Looks from the '80s, such as cleavage and bare shoulders, are coming back, however, and Rue still sees the emphasis on "being thin, thin, thin - clothes made for the girl that nobody looks like."
But young starlets and celebrities getting arrested for DUIs or ending up in rehab is giving parents a bit of leverage for talking to their daughters, Rue said. The out-of-control young celebs "are doing us all a favor," she said. Watching these young women "making complete fools of themselves is providing a bit of a backlash against the pressure to be bad, realizing that does not empower a girl," she said.
Choosing clothes is a good place for parents to start helping tween girls make good choices, she said, "before the teen choices come that have deeper consequences," Rue said.
It's important to start having those conversations at that tween age, Rue said. "Thirteen is pretty late in the game."
For parents with daughters who like to push the envelope, it's important to have a talk before setting out to shop - don't wait until you're in the dressing room to have a confrontation about limits, she said.
Look through fashion magazines together beforehand and decide what appropriate parameters are, Rue said. "Get out the tape measure for skirt length and jean rise and say, that's it. Let her choose within those limits.
"Have fun with it. It doesn't have to be a battleground. I see back-to-school as a real opportunity to teach some things, a chance to bond," she said.
Dads as well as moms need to get involved, Rue says: Fathers' involvement can encourage girls to respect themselves and to expect to be treated well, she said.
The younger the girls are, the less they understand about how others, especially boys, interpret their clothing, she said.
"It's important for dads to be open with their daughters, to tell them that where the (clothing) focus is, that's where the eye and mind will go."
(Reach Karen Herzog at 250-8267 or karen.herzog@;bismarcktribune.com. For more information on Nancy Rue, visit http://www.nancyrue.com or http://www.faithgirlz.com. For more information on Pure Fashion, visit http://www.purefashion.com.)
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