Bismarck Tribune - North Dakota News - Shared parenting works best

Shared parenting works best

Mar 01, 2006 - 02:06:15 CST

By ANN BRUNKHORST
Lidgerwood

This letter is directed to any person, male or female, affected by the abuse of family law. The “system” is creating disgruntled children, social ills and increased domestic violence. The system is supposed to protect even the most vulnerable, in this case, children. The exact opposite is occurring.

The term “deadbeat dad” is not a favorable one. The court system and society in general look down on deadbeat dads, and it is not surprising. What the court system may find surprising, though, is that, in actuality, they are creating and pumping out these deadbeat dads.

The court system awards fathers this title when the mothers are granted sole physical custody for no just cause, other than that they are the mother. Once the judge’s verdict is read, the father automatically becomes another statistic. The fathers do not choose for themselves to be deadbeats and desire to be anything but. The fathers are simply making do with the court’s ruling of seeing their children every other weekend. In reality, the majority of fathers want much more. There are also “deadbeat moms” out there, although not as common because the mothers are usually granted full custody.

The children of divorce are the true victims. Shared parenting not only has been found to be beneficial by numerous mental health professionals, it is generally the children’s wishes. The best interest of the children is often bypassed, and in turn the best interest of the mother takes precedence.

Advocates for children of divorce are coming forward and for good reason. Headway is being made on the topic of shared parenting. Laws can change. There is power in numbers.

Fathers shouldn’t accept the fate they were dealt. Together we can buck the system and currently are. One such advocate, Mitchell Sanderson, of North Dakota, has been working relentlessly on the behalf of his children and the children of divorce in general. He is proposing to revamp North Dakota child custody laws. We are currently awaiting the go-ahead to achieve the 12,844 needed signatures from eligible voters to place a new measure on the November ballot. This number may seem unimaginable. It is not, as sadly enough there are thousands of people affected by poor judgments from the courts. Anyone wishing to support such efforts may reach Mitchell Sanderson at 701-331-0410.

News > Opinion

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Comments

Ashley wrote on Oct 12, 2006 4:04 PM:

" One more thing..... Anytime you see someone lashing out against the shared parenting initiative they are giving you the cons of the program and then SPI comes back and lashes right back at them. If SPI was really that great it would give you the whole scope of the program: the pros and cons not just what sounds good!! "

Ashley wrote on Oct 12, 2006 4:00 PM:

" Anyone complaining about taking care of their child (child support) is absolutely ludacris. A child should be supported by both parents. And both parents should be in their childrens lives. A parent that is not living with their child and have a very influencial impact on their childs life as long as the make the time that they have with their children count! Why should my child, who is used to being with me for the past eight years, be put in a total unstable situation by all the sudden ending up with her mother half the time. Especially when he has chosen to not be there half the time until recently anyway? How stable is that for a child? No matter what relationship I have with my child's father (good or bad) should not stand in the way of letting him be a parent to his child and it doesn't. Regardless of his past contact with his daughter. He has made an effort to be in her life more and I support that totally. A father or mother should be in their childs life as long as it's in the best interest of the child and as long as that parent has regular contact, meaning they will be there when they say they will be there. If this initiative is passed what is going to happen to our TANF program? This program is designed to help people get off of welfare and out in to the workforce. If this program isn't there and now the parent is working and receiving only a child support based on the basic need of the child, isn't that only going to drive a person further into poverty? The TANF program hasn't brought people out of poverty as it is now, without it what would we do for those people? Regardless of who these people are we are responsible to help them out they live in our country and we should be doing something to help them get on their feet! I see so many negatives to this initiative. It is not looking out for what's best for our children but for the parents. Instead of changing the law why not make it mandatory that through a seperation parents come up with a parenting plan and making them stick with it. If they don't then punish the parent and not the child. It's when a parent says they will be there and then they don't show up what hurts a child, not the current laws that are in place. "

Robert Kopras wrote on Aug 29, 2006 5:16 PM:

" I pay $240/month to see my daughter for four days! That's "keeping it real"? My daughter complains that her mom has had so many boyfriends (what you call "stepdads") that she can't remember their names. I paid child support for almost two years with NO VISITAION, seeing my daughter only at her mother's whim, often times missing her for months at a time just because my ex was angry with me. Only after quitting work, becoming indigent and getting a court-appointed attorney did i finally get visitation "rights." After that i still had to file contempt charges against my ex three times when she refused to show up for exchanges "

Mz Ta-ree wrote on Jul 14, 2006 6:58 PM:

" Stop whining and pay your child support! If you loved your child so much, you would have stayed your whiny behind at home... Further more, there are pleny of good stepfathers out there who are willing to step up to the plate when the deadbeat strikes out. Lets keep it real... How much do you owe in arearages? "

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